Save, Guide, Love the Children

When my children were 6, 4, and 2 years old, I taught them Psalm 1. They memorized it together one summer, and we repeated it often so it would be embedded in their hearts. I drew pictures of the passage on poster boards since the youngest could not read yet and we did this every morning before play and after breakfast...

Make me hear of your love in the morning,
because I rely on you.
Make me know the way I should walk,
because I entrust myself to you.” Palm143:8 CJB

...It was always a blessing to watch people’s reactions as my 2-year-old recited the chapter, and it was an incredible delight to hear him quote the chapter in unison with my great-grandmother! Remarkably my daughter’s groom requested my youngest to read that Psalm at their marriage ceremony. To this day Psalm 1 has a deeper meaning to us all. As we traveled together, we would each quote a verse until no one had one left in memory, that would go on for quite a while. “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11 KJV

Children are sponges. They mimic and repeat everything they hear and actions they see. They absorb your taste in people and places and attitudes and beliefs. Of course, we all know that they make their own choices as adults, but so much is framed in their rearing.

When I was in school, we were instructed that there are two areas with your congregation that you never interfere with, how a person spends their money and how to improve their children’s behavior. These areas should be taught in a Bible class or from the pulpit.

After witnessing a normal active 2-3-year-old slap the attending adult in the face, and nothing was done to reprimand, I felt compelled to share some ideas. We are not teaching parenting nor marriage helps in our churches. We are teaching tithing. I know there are exceptions. My pastor in St Louis (Faith Lutheran) John Brunette had yearly marriage seminars (overnight) at various locations. BTW, these are excellent mission outreaches for the community. Many are seeking wisdom in child rearing and marriage improvement (no age limit).

Here are areas that I feel should be observed:

• Communication. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 NIV
  • Look people in the eyes when speaking to them.
  • Teach and learn using an inside voice, to include how to whisper. It never ceases to intrigue me, how a parent can carry a conversation with a child out loud, in a church service, concert, etc.
  • Never interrupt adults who are in conversation (likewise, notice the child waiting and give ear to them).
  • Never, never, never say I hate you. That word should be eliminated from their vocabulary all together. It should be made to be a filthy word in their hearts and minds (unless referring to sin). “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him”. I John 3:15 NIV “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” 1John 4:20 NIV
  • There should be healthy reading programs in the home. My son Ross read the Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis, when he was in the third grade. Christian and classic books will reenforce your parenting.
  • Gossip is sin. I hear adults tearing down other church members, neighbors, or family members. Children need to learn at home this inappropriate behavior. “With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors, but through knowledge the righteous escape.” Proverbs 11:9 NIV “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: … a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” Proverbs 6:16,19 NIV
  • Lying is sin and never acceptable. No such thing as a little lie. Not acceptable, ever. My mother used to say, “Truth is your strongest argument”. “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Proverbs 12:22 NIV
  • Prayer. This needs to be done daily at every meal, before tests, when something good has happened, or trials, for the pastors and their families, for missionaries and the church family, their future, etc. (We prayed for the future spouses of our children starting when they were 4 years old.) Not some memorized ditty. Prayer is talking to GOD, not reciting a little poem to him daily. Prayer is a lifeline to their savior. “Pray continually,” 1Thessalonians 5:17. NIV
• Association. Monitor who your children are with. My children were never allowed to stay over at a friend’s home, but they could have as many friends over to ours as they wanted. Very rarely does a child have godly discernment. That’s why kids have parents. “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1Corinthians 15:33 NIV.
•  Respect.
  • For parents, grandparents, and those in leadership. A child will never respect their pastor or church leaders when the parents belittle them in the car or home. “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith”. Hebrews 13:7 NIV
  • For the opposite gender.
    • Appropriate physical interaction. “Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” 2Corinthians 7:1. NIV
    • This would include manners. I live in Texas where the men are very respectful to women; that had to be taught in the homes. My sons stood when a lady entered the room, and they took turns pulling out the table chairs for my daughter and me and always opened the doors for us. Yes, I was capable of opening a door. Of course, likewise, girls should be taught to be ladies. Because of our changing styles, I see women sitting like men. They even have a word for it: manspreading.
    • Keep your hands off. Period. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” 1Thessalonians 4:3-5 NIV
    • Purity. I have recently learned that some churches wink at the sin of couples living together without marriage if they are engaged. What!?! Shacking up is shacking up. And do not even use Mary and Joseph. They did not have a physical relationship until after their marriage and after the birth of Yeshua. “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1Peter 1:15,16 NIV “How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
      By living according to your word.” Psalm 119:9 NIV
    • Marriage should be taught to them as a pure, wonderful, God ordained commitment to a person of the opposite sex. We must teach that now and at an early age. “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6 NIV
  • For church services.
    • Go to the bathroom before the service.
    • Teach them to listen to the pastor and take notes. I gave my children paper and pen and told them to draw what they heard the pastor saying. I still have many of those sermon drawings. It gives you insight into their understanding. It is not a time for toys and candy.
  • For property. This is a good way to instruct on Stewardship.

• Daily Devotions. Teaching your children to love the Word of God. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105 KJV
  • Eleven of my 14 grandchildren (and 3 children) were/are taught to have a private time with God daily.
  • My son has a nightly devotional time with his family. They have read through the Bible as a family and discuss it together.
  • Reading and loving the Word of God is the standard we need to live by. Keeping them focused on the reality of God and His will for their lives, aids them in the daily battles they face in this morally decaying world.
• Plan of Salvation. Children should be taught a simple plan of salvation; both for themselves and for further witnessing to others. They need to be taught that God loves the world, and we are the instruments He uses to share His truth. This also helps them with their own security.
• Giving. My children were taught to give an offering at an early age. They carried a nickel to Sunday school weekly when toddlers and more as they grew. We taught them about tithing and faith giving to missionaries. As teens, my children had jobs as paper carriers (when we read the news…remember? J) When one of my children was clearing approximately $100 a week. He decided that he was going to give $75 weekly to missions. I was really taken back, but my husband kept me from discouraging him. What have I witnessed from this? A man who grew to live by faith. All my children are generous adults. This is taught over and over. This would include volunteering. “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2Corinthians 9:7
• Manners. I gave my children a book when they turned 12: Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers. I had to go through it and modernize a few things, but it helped cover a lot of areas. When I lived in Paris, I was so excited to be in a culture with great manners. Right. Dogs are allowed to sit at the table in their own chair with a plate for their food. Children were scolded if they did not have their arms on the table, parents wanted to always see their hands. Staring was the norm. Ignoring people when they addressed you was also the norm. Well…cultures differ. What is important is to teach children to practice good manners in the culture they are in.

This is a small list for a lifetime of adult preparation. It’s just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to chuck it all – ok, but remember this: you cannot, CANNOT love them too much. Love, love, love them. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1Corinthians 13:4,5 NIV “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 NIV

Love from my heart,

nanC

Nancy Cohen is the Director of Women's Ministries at Apple of His Eye

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